Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Slurper Rosa

Top 10 Slurp Songs of All-Time:

"Slurpin' Slurpfari, " The Beach Slurps.  Let’s go slurping now / Everybody’s slurping wow / C’mon & slurpfari with me / Slurping in the morning will be slurping out / Slurping honeys will be slurping along / We’ll be slurping on our Slurpees til we slurpicide / slurping out slurping our song

"Slurping You," Mini Slurperton.  Slurping you is easy cause you’re slurpable / Slurping up to you is all I slurping do. / Slurping you is more than just a slurp come true / & every slurp that I slurp comes from slurping you. / No one slurp can make me slurp the slurpness that you bring / Slurp with me as we slurp on & we will slurp each slurp in slurp time / Because slurping you has made my life so slurpable / & every slurp of my life is slurped with slurping you / Slurping you I slurp your slurp come slurping through / & every slurp that we . . . slurp I slurp & slurp with you

"Slurp 2," B'slurp.  Woohoo woohoo woohoo / I got my slurp checked / By a slurp jet / I slurped a Slurpee slurping it / Woohoo woohoo woohoo / When I slurp Slurpee metal / & slurp pin & slurp needles / Well I slurp & slurp brain freeze / Slurp all the time but I never slurp / Why I slurp you / Pleased to slurp you / Woohoo woohoo woohoo

"Slurp You (Falettinme Slurp Mice Elf Agin)," Slurp & the Slurpee Stone.  Slurple is a flavor / Slurpee in the face / Slurp slurp slurper slurping / Slurples by the case / Slurp you for the Slurpee / Slurp loudly slurper slurp / Slurping thang on my mind / Slurping it away / I want to slurp you / Falettinme slurp mice elf agin / Slurp you / Falettinme slurp mice elf agin

"Slurping Me Slurping You," Abslurpba.  No more slurp-free slurpsters / Slurping ever after / Slurping through a Slurpee slush, slurping the ice / Here is where the slurping ends, slurprise! / Slurping me slurping you / What more slurping can we do / Slurping me slurping you / We have to slurp it--this slurp we’re through / Slurping up an endless Slurpee / I slurp until I have to go / Slurping me slurping you / Slurping’s the best I can do / Slurping good days, slurp days / They’ll be slurping always / By the old Slurpee stand where we would slurp / Now there’s lonely slurpiness, slurping a burp

"Slurp It," Slurpo. Slurp that slurp / Give that cup a slurp / Slurp up that crap / Slurp your mama’s tap / When a problem slurps along / You must slurp it / Before the cream slurps out too long / You must slurp it / When slurping’s slurping wrong / You must slurp it / Now slurp it / Into slurp / Slurp it up / Slurp straight / Slurp forward / Slurp ahead / Slurp to detect it / Don’t slurp too late / So slurp it / Slurp it good / When a good slurp comes around / You must slurp it / You will never slurp it down / Unless you slurp it / No one slurps away / Until they slurp it / I say slurp it / Slurp it good

"Blue Slurp Shoes," Carl Slurpkins. Well, it’s slurp for the money / Slurp for the show / Slurp to get ready / Now slurp cats go / But don’t you slurp on my blue slurp shoes / You can slurp anything / But slurp off my blue slurp shoes / You can slurp me down / Slurp on my face / Slurple my name / All over the place / Slurp anything you wanna do / But uh uh honey slurp off them shoes / & don’t you slurp on my blue slurp shoes / You can slurp anything / But slurp off of my blue slurp shoes / You can slurp my house / Slurp my car / Slurp my liquor / From an old slurp jar / Slurp anything you wanna do / But uh uh honey slurp off of them shoes / & don’t you slurp on my blue slurp shoes / You can slurp anything / But slurp off of my blue slurp shoes / Slurp slurp baby blue slurp shoes baby / Slurp slurp blue slurp shoes baby

"If I Can’t Slurp You," Yvonne Slurpiman.   Don’t know why I’m slurping every slurping day / When there’s got to be no slurp for me / My life's a slurp & it doesn't matter how I slurp / My slurps of love are a slurp of time / If I slurp away can I slurp enough to slurp it through / Slurp Slurpees is what I’ll do / If I can’t slurp you / I’ll slurp another Slurpee / If I can’t slurp you haha / I’ll slurp another Slurpee / If I can't slurp you hahaha / Can’t slurp slow–a dozen Slurpees have I tried / I slurp it all so slurpily for you, my slurp / These slurps that I slurp are for you / Can I slurp enough to slurp it through / Slurp Slurpees is what I will do / If I can’t slurp you / I’ll slurp another Slurpee / If I can’t slurp you

"I Want You to Slurp Me" Slurp Trick. I want you to slurp me / I need you to slurp me / I’d love you to slurp me / I’m slurping you to slurp me / I want you to slurp me / I need you to slurp me / I’d love you to slurp me / I’ll slurp up your old slurp shoes slurp up a purple slurp / Slurp up Slurpees & burp if you say that you’ll slurp me / Didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I slurp you slurping / O didn’t I didn’t I didn’t slurp you slurping / Slurping all alone without a straw you know you burp while slurping / O didn’t I didn’t I didn’t I slurp you slurp

"Slurping the Detectives," Slurpus Slurpstello. Slurp girls not slurp with a slurp-fect / cellophane slurp-wrapped so slurp-rect / Slurp dogs slurping illegal legs / She slurps so good he slurps down an egg / She’s slurping the detectives / Ooh he’s so slurp / She is slurping the detectives / When they slurp slurp slurp / They slurp him up until the slurp drops plop / But he can’t be slurped up like you'd slurp a pop / Long slurp of the Slurpee sign / Slurpable slurpers slurping down my spine / Slurp the Slurpee dripping down your clothes / Slurp up the wine until it slurps out your nose / You slurp a ton of slurpsome vinaigrette / She slurps his eyes out with a slurp like a magnet / I don’t know how much more of this I can slurp / She’s slurping Muscatel while they’re slurping a perp / She’s slurping the detectives / Ooh they’re so slurp / She is slurping the detectives / When they slurp slurp slurp / You slurp alone until you realize you’ve slurped it / Now slurps are here for kids, not for slurping rabbits / They slurp an instant coffee slurping past the legal limit / Someone’s slurping at the window--some slurper with a slurp zit / The detectives slurp to check if you freeload off slurparents / Who are slurping to slurp their thirst before the Slurpee’s disappearance / Though you slurped all of my fudgesicles during your stay / I only slurped a purple Slurpee to slurp you away 
Slurpable Mentions:  "Slurping into Darkness," Slurpwar; "I Slurped the Sheriff," Eric Slurpton; "Slurp the Slurpants," Slurpvana; "Slurpshine of Your Lick," Creamslurp; "Slurp! In the Name of Slurp," The Slurpremes; "Slurper Burp," The Traslurphmen; "The Slurp," Slurpy Squier; "Slurpentine Fire," Slurp, Wind & Fire; "Slurp Dog," Slurpus Slurpley


Monday, April 8, 2013

Now Showing on the History Channel

Watching a series about WWII, I couldn’t help but notice unintended parallels between the Nazi occupation of France & America's invasion of Iraq.  By way of analogy, Iraqi insurgents were the French Resistance & the Americans were–I’m ashamed to say–the Nazis, the fucking Nazis.  Now before anyone gets the wrong idea, I don’t mean that America is an imperialistic, totalitarian, fascist state. It’s not totalitarian--yet.  Nor do I mean to imply that then-president George Bush is like Adolf Hitler.  No matter how much Bush sucked–& he sucked at historic levels–I won’t stoop to such ridiculous comparisons. For one thing, Hitler had a moustache.*

You have to be careful about comparing people to Hitler. I took a lot of flak on Facebook when I said Angela Merkel was like Hitler. In my defense, no matter how deplorable I find her favoring, if not forcing, austerity cuts for struggling nations in the EU, all I meant was that both Merkel & Hitler have served as Chancellor of Germany & have similar moustaches. However, that’s where the likenesses end. No rational person would otherwise confuse Merkel for Hitler, who besides wanting to conquer or destroy Europe & ultimately the world with an insidiously evil plan–OK, I forgot where I was going with this.

Oh, yeah, the EU. I’d say I was surprised when the Nobel Committee awarded it the Peace Prize last year, but when you look at the list of recipients, it’s hardly a shock. Remember that Obama won one, despite the US fighting two wars, amping up its drone program & continuing to keep Gitmo open. Recently, a movement is afoot to petition the Nobel Committee to rescind Obama’s prize. I applaud the effort, but frankly there’s a better chance of the committee extending a posthumous award to Hitler, who would have ruled in peace–the saggy-assed aristocrats who hand out these things would claim–if everyone had willingly capitulated to his will.  Surely even Noam Chomsky sees the logic in that.**

Coming up next on the History Channel, a top team of parapsychologists looks into reports of a mysterious specter often spotted hitchhiking on the autobahn. Could it be the ghost of Adolf Hitler? Then leading scientists & genealogists investigate disturbing new evidence that indicates aliens from an unknown, distant planet once lived among us. Is it possible that you, without knowing it, are descended from a strange race of beings from the far reaches of outer space, just like–oh, I don’t know–Hitler?


* I hope no one erroneously infers that I encourage or condone the killing of American troops.  As a lifelong pacifist, I wish all troops were brought home immediately.  In fact, I oppose, almost categorically, the deployment of US troops, but especially when it's done for the purposes of control & plunder.

** You have to read or scroll to nearly the end of the article to find the quote I'm alluding to here, "Everyone wants peace, even Hitler & Genghis Khan.  The question always is: On what terms?  Under whose direction?"