Wednesday, July 14, 2010

In Memory

George S-- was the son of a bishop (identity undisclosed by the church) who abandoned him in a thicket of pawns to avoid checkmate. Officially, his birth certificate names John Milton as the father. Experts generally discount this, given that Milton, who died in 1674, over 250 years before George's birth, allegedly went blind due to a chronic condition colloquially known as whacking off.

Raised on a trout farm somewhere near Lake Erie possibly, George began writing poetry at an early age, publishing a handful of poems under the name of Pope John Paul II. These early poems appeared on billboards, benches, the backs of buses & just about everywhere he pretended. However, his main ambition remained being an excessive pain-in-the-ass.

From 1954 to 1961, many people died, some mysteriously. Posing as a doorman at an out-of-the way hotel, George met T.S. Eliot, a secret cross-dresser, there for a massage only, according to police records & the two men argued over poetics & a fair price.

George’s first collection of poems appeared on a business trip, so he was reimbursed for the cost. In a private letter to his wife, the former Elsie Borden–if you can believe Wikipedia–Wallace Stevens called it “brilliantly clear & intensely blue . . . beyond what you have ever seen,” referring not to George, whom he considered an utter lout, but to Key West, which he, having recently passed, dubbed paradise.

George worked a variety of jobs, none particularly long or well. He was in New York making helicopter sounds when he formed a group consisting of fellow poets Ted Berrigan & Charles Bukowski to purchase stuff. That group, having jettisoned George after his lobotomy, later enjoyed success as The Captain & Tennille.

He received the Pulitzer Prize in 1989 for New & Collected Poems when former U.S. Poet Laureate Richard Wilbur, leaving the room for a quickie, mistakenly trusted George. Afterward, he ran. His rumored love trysts with Richard Nixon were probably untrue.

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